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Authored by Kevin Downey Jr. via PJMedia.com,

Why is Christmas the most wonderful time of the year? Is it all the mistletoeing and hearts that are glowing? Yeah, that all rocks, but my values — and kicks — revolving around Christmas joy have taken a holly jolly turn, and I'd like to get you on board.

If you think eggnog and caroling are fun, wait until you get your bald-headed niecephew so mad zhe poops zher Che Guevara manties.

But first a quick reminder from our favorite KGB defector, Yuri Bezmenov, who presciently told us back in the 1980s that there is ONE thing Marxism can't overcome — Christianity. That is why they hate and fear us. This is why the miserable skanks show up to children's Christmas choirs and bullhorn their support for terrorists who rape women and burn children alive. They utterly hate you.

And don't forget how the U.S. Capitol Police made kids stop singing the National Anthem lest the song "offend" someone. The rot is deep, my friends. Enjoy Christmas before it is outlawed.

Remember, Christmas is the season to give, so let's give it to the Marxists good and hard.

#5  Mele Kalikimaka Is the Thing to Say

This one is simple and yet devastating: say "Merry Christmas." This is kryptonite to the simpering, pink-haired, troglodyte narcissists who believe that, in a world full of adults, their feelings mean something — like this jackpudding who laughingly tries to associate the phrase "Merry Christmas" with anti-Semitism, Islamophobia, and, of course, hatred of the LGBTWTF crowd, all of whom, by the way, loathe Christians.

"KDJ, what if I say 'Merry Christmas' and a com-symp whines, 'I don't celebrate Christmas'?"

You have several responses from which to choose:

"Then don't have a Merry Christmas!"

"Try some diversity for a change."

"I was being inclusive. I didn't know you're a hater."

"Say 'Happy Ramadan' to Hamas when they are done slaughtering gay people, you homophobic pile of pig vomit."

Pro tip: Laughing as you say these things will denote mockery, and that is their Achilles heel. Also, belittling them with their own weapons is easy, effective, and fun to do.

I'm aware that they judge us when we say "Merry Christmas." I don't care. Neither I nor my language will be controlled by some entitled, basement-dwelling dime museum or the Communist Chinese Party (CCP) that pulls its strings.

# 4 Unvaccinated Christmas Parties

When sending invitations via email or USPS, be sure to mention something like:

# 3 Meat is Murder Tasty

You undoubtedly have an annoying, Gaza-loving cousin who hates meat. In a sign of goodwill, prepare a few veggie burgers. Here is what to do when  "Dylan" raves over the taste and asks, "What's your secret?" Tell it you added Worcestershire sauce, a dab of chocolate, honey, and sugar. When the meatophobe runs for the Ipecac, pretend you didn't know that none of these ingredients are vegan.

Calm the herbivore down by saying the vegetables were grown in your own garden with liberal (heh) amounts of climate-changing cow manure.

I also suggest the following libation:

"The Colonizer"

• 3 parts Plymouth gin (it will remind people of a certain rock in Massachusetts)

• .5 parts culturally appropriated tequila

• 2 dashes of bitters (because liberals are bitter)

# 2 Festive Lighting

There is nothing the Mao-maos hate more than Christians projecting their values and their fun at the same time. I prefer to combine the secular and the religious for the one-two punch of Christmas lighting extravaganza. 

The more Christmas lights you have, the more those testosterone dodgers will weep!

# 1 Make Christmas Great Again: Re-elect Donald J. Trump

The most vulgar and ostentatious display of liberal blubbering happened the day Donald Trump defeated harridan Hillary for the White House. The diaper-wearing femminiellos lost their minds, and we laughed like we were watching "Caddyshack" for the first time.

Sure, the election is 11 months away, but let's start their trauma early. Put some manic in their panic and get the ball rolling now. Post a "MAGA 2024" sign next to your inflatable Santa. Remember that the worst part about being punished as kids wasn't the punishment itself, it was waiting for Dad to get home. Let's make them cry until Election Day.

Let's keep laughing at the miserable "woke" stooges. Check out the new Christmas video short from my friends at "Jokes and a Point." They know how to clown-slap a commie like no one else.